Dairy laboratory · bench 1
Vitalik ButterinHalf-melted into butter. The glasses are still visible.
Everything below the glasses is greasy and slippery. Everything above the glasses is a man who would like to talk about scaling. The specimen responds to temperature. You hold the thermometer.
Exhibit · Proof of Grease
Every degree adds a pat to the chain.
Below the melting point the chain is orderly: firm pats, square corners, each one referencing the last. Above it the pats slide, the corners go and the references get greasy. Warm the bench and watch the chain do what butter does.
Exhibit · Keep Him Solid
The room warms up. You have a fridge button.
Start the clock and the bench drifts towards room temperature and beyond. Every press of the fridge takes heat out. Solidity is the score: seconds kept below the melting point. The glasses survive whatever you do; they always have.
- Fridge: minus 6 °C per press, cooldown one second.
- Drift: plus 1 °C per second, faster after a minute.
- Game over at 45 °C. The specimen is then, technically, a sauce.
Exhibit · lab log
Entries from the bench
Entry 01 — Why are the glasses unaffected?
Bench technicianStructural. They are load-bearing for the identity. Everything else has been observed to leave the frame at 34 °C; the glasses stay where they are and keep looking slightly disappointed.
Entry 02 — Recommended slippage tolerance?
Someone from a trading desk, uninvitedFor the specimen: none. He slides off the bench at the slightest tilt. For anything financial: this is a dairy laboratory.
Entry 03 — Can he be re-solidified?
Bench technicianShape, yes: press the fridge. Dignity, no: the incident is in the log now. Reversibility is a property of butter, not of reputations.
Entry 04 — What happens at 60 °C?
Safety officerClarified butter. Full transparency, which is more than most projects manage. The slider stops there for a reason.
The full entries and the incident log: the File Archive. Play the game: Butterchain, Melt & Build.
Exhibit · status of the instrument
$BUTTER has not launched.
There is no contract address. Nothing has been created, nothing is on sale and no channel is open. When the instrument launches, the verified links appear in this box and nowhere else. Anything shown to you before that is not ours, however greasy it looks.
This is a parody brand, unaffiliated with and unendorsed by Vitalik Buterin, the Ethereum Foundation or anyone else. Nothing on this page is financial advice, an offer, a forecast or a promise. The temperature, the pats and the score are a game and live only in your browser.